To Die With Pride
by call.me.alex
Summary: REPOSTED! Switches POV. Hiding the one you love is never a joy ride. It hurts, and sometimes, it makes you die a little inside. I wish it could be like she always says:"Ashley and Spencer." I'm not sure if I'm ready for others to know.
1. Treacherous Beginnings

**A/N: I know it's been a long ass time, but I wanted to keep my promise. So I re-edited the story and this is a repost of the first chapter. Depending on the feedback, the second chapter should be up within a week or so. Let me know what you all think. Love you all! Peace. Alex.**

**Chapter 1: Treacherous Beginnings**

**To Die With Pride**

Ashley's POV

I heard a knock. I looked over at the clock by my bed. It was 2 am. There was only one person that I could think of who would be at my door at this time. I quickly ran down stairs and opened the door. She smiled. That_ smile_ that could make all wars end. Her _eyes_. They were the most gorgeous color I had ever seen. _Blue_. But not just any blue. Blue, like the roaring ocean that she so very much adored.

"Hey," she said walking in and hugging me. Her arms quickly wrapped around my neck while mine found purchase on her waist.

"Hey," I replied, breathing her sweet scent in. _Mhm…Strawberry, _I thought.

She pulled away and looked at me, our foreheads touching. "I missed you," she barely whispered, a statement all too common for us.

"I missed you, too."

"_Show_ me," she breathed as her eyes went darker.

And that was all she had to say. After that moment, I worked on pure action. There was no thought. Nothing but lust and love. The _intense_ love we had for each other. The love that burned my heart whenever I was away from her and the same love that kept me going through all of the hard days.

I picked her up, wrapping her legs around my hips and making my way up to my room. Between her kisses and the lack of light, I stumbled my way there. As soon as I entered the room, I kicked the door shut. I was thankful for the fact that my parents weren't home, although, they almost never were.

I laid her down on my bed and slowly lied on top of her. It had been a week. A _week_ since I last saw her, last touched her, last _tasted_ her. It was like that sometimes, between us. Sometimes, we just had to go days at a time, without speaking or seeing each other. We both hated it, but it was the price we had to pay. At the end of the day, it was _always _worth it.

I kissed her, slowly, moaning into the kiss. Memorizing the way she tasted. Moving my tongue softly against hers. I just wanted to savor the moment. I wanted it to be _burned_ into my memory. _Forever._Just like she was.

"Ash," she breathed.

"Yeah?" I asked, starting to kiss at her neck. Biting and licking all along her jaw, making her moan louder.

"Please baby? I want you so _bad_."

The sound of her begging me was making me hot. I shivered slightly hearing her voice husk in my ear.

I smiled. "I know, but it's been too long, and I want to make this moment last."

And just like that, my shirt was suddenly gone. I looked at her eyes. Even in the dark, I could see how cloudy they had turned. She quickly flipped us over. _God it's hot when she takes charge like that. _

"God, please Ash? I can't take it. Not tonight. I _need_ you. I need to feel you inside me. I want you to make me cum so fucking hard."

Her words were making me hotter with every second and she was wearing way too much. I sat up and kissed her, long and hard. Within minutes, we were both naked, me on top of her, and I could feel her, dripping everywhere. I wasn't sure how much more she could take. My hand slowly inched where I knew she wanted it. I felt her arch her back the second two fingers entered her. I moved slowly. Dangerously slow. I was making her mad, and I could tell.

"Fuck. Ash…ugh…don't baby. I need…faster."

"I want to take you slow babe. I want to get you so high. I want you to remember this night. _Forever_."

She knew what I meant. I had done this before, being torturously slow with her. As much as she said she hated it, it was her weakness. She loved it. The only other time it happened, was the first time we made love, a little over a year ago.

I pulled out of her every so often and rub my fingers around her clit only to push deeper into her every time I re-entered her.

"Mhm…god Spence, you're so wet. So tight. God babe…you're so fucking sexy."

She couldn't answer. All she could do was moan into my ear. I kept my pace and licking and sucking on her nipples, making her moans louder. Making her nails dig into my back, driving me

"Ugh…keep talking," I heard her say.

"I love this…me…fucking you…in my bed. I love seeing you like this. _Writhing_ beneath me. Begging me for more. God Spence, you feel so amazing. Your smell is like a drug to me." I pulled out my hand and licked it clean, earning a groan.

"You so did not…do that."

I smiled.

"Ugh, Ash, I was…so clo-" my hand cut her off. This time, I wasn't going slowly. I wanted her to _scream_ my name. I had my fun. Now I was ready to take her to heaven and back.

I immediately started thrusting into her with two fingers while my other hand moved under her ass. Her hips started to meet my thrusts, causing me to sink deeper into her. Wanting her to cum faster, I moved her leg over my back and rubbed her clit with my thumb while keeping up the same pace.

She came, screaming my name, just as she did every time we made love.

A few minutes later, I felt her grip on my back loosen a little, and I knew she was now tired, because she yawned loudly.

"Hey Ash?"

I turned and faced her. "Yeah Spence?"

"I love you," she said, nuzzling her face into my neck.

"I love you too," I replied, pulling her closer to me, leaving my arms around her waist. Within minutes, the only sound I could hear, was her light snoring.

Spencer's POV

When I awoke the next morning, a smile quickly spread across my face. I was lying there, with my arms around the person whom I love, and who loves me. I wanted to wake her; I wanted to see those luscious brown eyes of hers. I slid off of her a little, so that I was beside her, and I lightly drew circles across her abs.

"Ashy," I whispered. She moved a little, but didn't wake.

"Ashy," I whispered again, kissing up her jaw, "Wake up baby."

"Mm mm…no…sleep."

I couldn't help but giggle when she let out a tired little yawn.

"Come on Ashy. I wanna do something with you before I have to go home."

"Ugh, okay." she slowly sat up and slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, her boy shorts showing a little. She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm gonna go make us some coffee. How about you jump in the shower, okay?"

I smiled at her. God, she was so _perfect_. What more could I want? "Okay. I'll be down in twenty," I replied jumping out of bed.

When I got to the kitchen, the smell of pancakes hit me like a ton of bricks. _Mhm…my favorite._ As I got closer, I saw that Ash was… dancing? I laughed. She was listening to her iPod while she was cooking. _Well this is a sight I have_never _seen._I walked up and hugged her from behind.

"Holy shit Spence. You scared the living _fuck _outta me!" she yelled, quickly turning around to face me.

I giggled. "Sorry."

She pulled the ear buds out and turned off the iPod, laying it on the counter.

"Come on, I made us some breakfast," she said, pulling me towards the table.

We sat, quietly eating our pancakes. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was a peaceful silence. We were content. There was no reason to exchange any dialogue. Every few minutes or so, she would look up from her plate and smile at me, and of course I always returned it.

By the time we both finished eating, I knew I would only have an hour or before I'd be late. Today was officially Monday, and we had school. Monday meant breaking her heart little by little every moment that I was away. It meant going to a world where Ash and Spence weren't what they're meant to be.

She was standing in front of me, in her driveway, where both of our cars were. We went through this every time we saw each other: our "goodbyes."

"I hate this," she said, looking down at her feet. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a Hollister polo (the one I bought for her), and her green slip-on Vans.

"Me too," I replied simply. We always talked about it. About us, and how we worked, but we never seemed to get anywhere.

"But we have to." I could _hear_ her heart breaking.

I took a step closer, and I wrapped my arms around her neck, burying my head into her hair.

"I'm so sorry Ashy. I…you know I can't."

She pulled away slightly and smiled. She moved a strand of hair behind my ear. "I know Spence. You're the cheerleader, and I'm the band geek, the outcast."

"To me Ashy, you're _not_ an outcast."

"Yeah, I know." she looked back down.

"I love you."

"Yeah, me too," she sighed.

My face fell. She didn't say it back. Today was a bad day, and I doubt it was going get any better.

"I guess I'll see you whenever," she said getting into her car.

"I'll call you tonight. _Promise_," I replied, hoping to cheer her up. Even if it's only by a slightest bit.

"Okay, sounds good."

Ashley's POV

"Hey guys," I said running to catch up with my group of friends.

"Hey Ash," Liz called out. _Ah, Liz._ She's been my best friend since we were like five years old. A kid pushed her into the mud and I helped her up. The rest…is history.

"Hey Lizzy," I reply. She shoots me a glare. She hates when I call her that, but I do it anyway.

We were all sitting at a table that was behind the cafeteria. Not exactly the "in-crowd" hangout joint. But to us, the _bandies_, the _nerds_, the _outcasts_, it was our escape from all of that. I looked around at all of the old faces that I have grown to love over the years. There was Mackenzie, or Mac as we liked to call her. She was high spirited little ginger. You couldn't help but love her. Her girly nature was adorable. I even had a crush on her at one point. Derek was Liz's boyfriend. Out of all the guys I knew, he was the only one who never has any douche moments. I could not imagine anyone better for my Lizzy. Then there was Ally and Sade. They were another package deal. Practically married, they were that couple that everyone aspired to be. Sara was…well hotter than hell. No one ever really understood why she joined our crowd. She could've just as easily been in with the preps, the popular kids. Instead, she stumbled across our table on her first day when she moved here last year.

"Okay, so show of hands, who's going to prom this year?" Sara suddenly asked.

I looked around and watched everyone raise their hands. Everyone… but me.

"You're not going Ash?" Liz asked.

"Uh, I don't think so. No date," I replied.

"You can always go with me and Derek."

"Thanks, but I don't want to play third wheel."

"So go with me then," Sara said.

We all turned to look at her as if she was nuts.

"Sara!" Liz exclaimed.

"What?" she asked.

She really has no idea what she's proposing, does she.

"You don't even _like _girls Sara. Why would you want to go with me?" I asked.

"Who ever said I _didn't _like girls?"

I looked over at Liz, almost saying _what the hell do I do? _with my eyes. All she could do was shrug.

Liz knew about Spencer. She had known since the very beginning. I think she also knew why I couldn't go, so after I answered, she dropped the subject. It hurt, to know that I couldn't take the one I loved to my senior prom.

"I'll think about it. Thanks Sara," I finally said.

When the bell rang to go back to class, I walked past her table, just as I did every other day. I looked straight at her, just as I did every other day, and she looked back. There was some guy, hovering over her, trying to get her attention. She saw that I noticed and she looked away. I could feel the tears building.

During 6th period, I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out when the teacher wasn't looking and read the text.

**Spencer: Meet me in the bathroom?**

I replied as quickly as I could.

**Ashy: R u sure that's a good idea?**

A minute later, my phone vibrated again.

**Spencer: I can care less if it's a good idea. Just hurry!**

I raised my hand and was headed to the bathroom with a minute. When I got there, I saw her standing in the center of the brightly colored room.

"Hey," I said.

She walked up to me. "I'm sorry." She had been crying.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her as close as I could. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. It's okay Spence."

"No, it's not. I…I hurt you."

I kissed the top of her head, and pulled away so that I could see her face. I wiped away her tears and smiled.

"You make me nothing short of happy. As difficult as things are for us, at the end of the day it's okay because I know that you're mine. And quite frankly, that's good enough for me. At least for now."

We both flinched as we heard someone enter the bathroom. I stepped away from her. We knew what we had to do. I shook my head 'yes' telling her she should.

"Ew, get away from me dyke!" she yelled, putting on a fake grimace.

"Like I'd even want you, whore," I replied, only wincing on the inside.

"Spencer, is this lezzie botherin' you?"

It was Madison. I'd recognize _that_voice anywhere. Unfortunately, that homophobic freak was her best friend. Why? I had no idea.

"Real clever of you Madison. Lezzie? Did you come up with that all on your own or did you pick it up like all the STD's you have? And no, I wasn't bothering anybody. Don't worry; I leave you two to stare at the mirrors alone. See you around crack whores," I said walking out. It took me every thing I had to say those things. I _hated _this.

When I got home, I noticed that I had a text message. It was from Spencer. Saying she was sorry, and she couldn't wait to see me. She was going to come over on Wednesday, and its only Monday. I didn't want to wait that long. I c_ouldn't_ wait that long.

I awoke the next morning, exactly how I did every Tuesday and Thursday. With a grimace of what was to come later that day. As much as I loved Marching Band, it no longer made me happy. I remember, when I was a freshman, and even a sophomore, I lived to go to practices and games. Now, I just wanted to make it fly by. I just wanted it on my transcript. It wasn't what it once was. People caused too much drama. People in there _hated_ me, just because I didn't exactly "fit in." You'd think that I'd be excepted there, out of all places. But no, so this morning when I woke up, I knew today was going be long, and I'd hate every minute of it.

Finally, it was that oh so joyous time of the day: practice. I was standing on the marching field. I was already early, so I figured I'd just lie there, and try to get some "relaxing" time in before it was too late. I lied there, in the center, with my hands under my head just starring up at the clouds. After a few minutes, I saw someone lie down next to me. I immediately knew who it was.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her, without moving my gaze.

"I didn't like where we left things yesterday," Spencer replied.

"_You_ left it that way Spence. You never called me."

"That's not my fault. I spent the night at Madison's."

"You could've at least texted me."

She sat up and looked at me.

"I really _am_ sorry Ash. Please believe me."

I sat up and looked at her.

"I believe you."

She smiled.

"You really shouldn't be here. Someone might see you," I said.

"Yeah, okay." she stood up and began to walk away, but then quickly spun around. "I love you Ashley Davies!"

"I love you, too, Spencer Carlin!"

And with that, she was gone.

I took one last look at the living room. It took me at least an hour, but it was all clean, plus a few candles and flowers here and there. I opened the door, and I smiled at the sight before me. She was the _definition_ of an angel. She was wearing a short skirt, and a tank top that was already starting to ride up.

"Hi," I whispered. I had no idea why I whispered, but I did.

"Hi," she replied in the same tone.

She walked in and sat on the couch, and I followed her like the love sick puppy that I am.

For some reason, the day that we met came into my head. I smiled at the flashback.

We met at a camp. A Catholic camp, _ironic right?_ We were bunk mates, and we became friends right away. During the two weeks we were there, we had no idea who the other really was. She had no idea that I was a "bandie," and I had no idea that she was the "queen" of our school. Before we left, I had kissed her. The rest just seemed to be a blur. During the last night, we talked. Talked about what would become of us. People knew I was gay, but she was still considered the straight little girl who dated the hottest guys. We knew this had to be a secret, at least for now. She even dated guys from time to time, just to keep suspicions low. That was always hard for me, but in the long run, I knew none of them meant anything to her. Not like I did.

"Hey, can we do something new tonight?" she asked, snapping me out of another time.

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to do?"

"Mhm…you choose."

I stood off the couch and held my hand out. "Will you dance with me?"

She smiled and let me pull her off the couch. "I'd love to."

I walked over to my Bose speakers and played "Broken" by Lauren Hoffman. As the lyrics and melodies filled the air, Spencer and I danced peacefully.

As the song was beginning to end, I pulled my face away from Spencer's neck and faced her.

"Go to prom with me." It wasn't a question, but more of plea.

"What?" she asked confused.

"I know you've wanted to for…well, pretty much forever, and it's our senior year. I know how much you want to go."

"Aw, Ashy, you know I'd love to go with you, but-"

I quickly cut her off, "-but you can't."

"I'm so sorry Ashy."

"It's ok. I didn't really want to go. I was only going to go for you."

"You didn't…I mean, did you already buy tickets?"

"Uh yeah, you can still have yours if you want and the other if there's a date you want to take. I can't return them, so I mean it's whatever."

She cupped my face. I was hurt, but I kinda knew she'd say no. I should've been ready for that, but it still _hurt._ It cut through like a jagged blade.

"I'm going with friends, _alone_. There's no way I'd take someone who wasn't you. You should still go. You'd have fun."

"Eh, prom's not really my scene. I'd want to show up in jeans and a tie."

She laughed and shook her head at me.

"I think you'd sport that well."

"Yeah, but I think they'd kick me out," I said with a laugh.

"Hey, I've got an idea. How about we have our own little prom? I can leave a little early. I'll wear my dress and you can wear those jeans. What do you say?" she asked, moving closer to me, causing our lips to brush.

"That sounds perfect." And just like that, I couldn't wait until the next Friday.

Spencer's POV

Prom is tomorrow, and for some reason, I'm not excited about it. I'm more excited about seeing Ashley. _My_Ashley. I haven't seen her since last week, and it sucks. Sure, we've talked every night on the phone, but it's never the same. I _miss_her. She _begged_ to see the dress, but I really wanted it to be a surprise. I think she'll be _pleasantly_ surprised. Madison tried so hard to get me to go to prom with Aiden Dennison, the quarterback, but I'd rather pull out my own spleen than go with him. We went on one date last year, back when I first started seeing Ashley, and he kept trying to make out with me during the movie. Ugh, and his hands are so gross. He never stopped scratching himself! I swear, how do straight girls put up with that? I remember when I told Ashley what had happened with Aiden, the only thing that held her back from beating his ass was me kissing her and making her forget I ever told her.

"Spencer! Where'd you go?" I heard Madison calling from down stairs.

"I'm just…uh in my room. I'll be right down."

Ash is always asking why I'm friends with such a bitch. Those are her words, not mine. The truth is I'm not entirely sure. I don't even think we're friends. It's more like we just say that because it's what everyone expects: that the captain and co-captain of the cheerleading squad are best friends. Ashley always tells me that when we're together, we're not the "cheerleader" and the "band geek." We're just Spencer and Ashley. I just wish _others_ could see it that way.

"Spencer! For fuck's sake! Get your white ass down here!" Madison screamed.

"Okay, okay. I'm coming!"

I've been in this gym, dancing for an hour, and I'm already bored and ready to leave. Unfortunately, I can't leave yet. Even if Madison _let_me leave early, I gave Ash a time, and she said I _wasn't_allowed to show up early or late. So I did what I had to, I bit my tongue and continued dancing with my _fake_ friends. And then someone I did not expect came up to me.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure," I replied.

She led us outside the gym, to an old hallway.

"Okay, what's up?"

"You're hurting her, you know. With the way you're making her hide. All she wants is to show you off, like your some sort of prize: A prize that only _she_can have."

I looked down. "I know Liz, I know. What am I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to talk to her about it. You're supposed to be her _girlfriend_, and for her _not_to be your 'dirty little secret.' I can't watch you do this anymore. I just _can't._"

"Okay. But how do you tell the world, the world that'll hate me afterwards?"

"You tell them with her holding your hand. Trust me, when she's with you, none of it will matter." She left me there, to hear my inner thoughts. _Every_ one of her words was true. Everyone one of her words hit me, _harder_than a ton of bricks. _I have to go see her._

"Hey, you're early," Ashley said, opening the door.

I quickly stepped passed her and looked at her eyes. I stared at them. Suddenly I was _falling. _Falling for her all over again, as if it was the first time I've ever seen her.

"I'm sorry. I know you told me not to come early, but I…I couldn't wait."

She chuckled.

"You left the prom, early? Now the Spencer I met a year ago, NEVER would have done that."

I stepped closer. "The Spencer you met a year ago, had no reason to."

She smiled that smile that she only saved for _me_. It was one of the many things I loved about her, those little things that she saved for me and for me _only._

"I'm glad you have a reason now."

"Me too," I sighed. Before I could blink, she engulfed me in a hug. _Mhmm…I love Ashy hugs._

She buried her face into my shoulder.

"Come on, I have something I want to show you."

"Okay," I replied, following her up to her art studio. One thing that I knew about Ashley, that not many did, was that she _loved_to paint. It was her "escape from the world, and all its shit." That was her exact wording. As soon as the door swung open and the light was switched on, I felt my eyes start to water.

"I…I have no words Ashley."

She laughed. "Don't tell me it's _that_bad!"

"Are you kidding? It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." There, in front of me, was a painting of Ashley and I, lying in the grass. We were holding hands, smiles plastered on both of our faces, and we had no worries.

"It's yours. Uhm…but if you're not ready to you know, take it home, it can stay here until you are."

I finally faced her. "Ashley, I want to talk: About us."

"Uhm, okay. Wait, you're not breaking up with me are you? Oh, God. I should have seen this. I…uh…shit! What did I do wrong? I…did I pressure you? I didn't mea-"

I quickly kissed her. She was getting nervous, and I really needed her to be calm.

"Ash, I don't want to break up. What ever gave you that idea?"

"I don't know. Whenever someone says they want to talk, it's always because they wanna break up."

I cupped her face and made our foreheads touch. "I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Don't _ever_think I feel any differently. Okay?"

She breathed in, and I felt her heartbeat slow. "Okay."

"I wanted to tell you…"I took a deep breath.

"It's okay Spence. You can tell me."

"I want us to be together."

She laughed. "We _are_together."

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean…I want _others_to know."

"Oh," she said, shocked.

Ashley's POV

_Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Shit, what do I say? I want this, but fuck! Is she ready? Okay, deep breath, deep breath. She needs you right now._

"Are you…sure?" I asked.

She smiled, "More than anything." _No stutter. She's sure._

"Uhm, okay!" I was smiling and I didn't think I was going to stop anytime soon. That had to have been the best moment of my life.

"Well, I see you wore the jeans and tie," she said, her hand sliding down the silky, lazily done tie.

"Of course! I see you wore a…dress," I replied, my hands making light circles on her hips. _Wow_. I hadn't really noticed it at first. She looked absolutely stunning. The fact that it was blue just made her eyes pop out _that_much more. "You look…amazing."

She blushed and smiled, whispering, "Thank you."

I walked over and played music. When I reached her again I held out my hand. "May I have this dance?"

"I'd love to dance with you."

Her head was on my shoulder, and my face starting to hurt from all of the smiling I was doing. I couldn't help but allow my hands make little circles on the small of her back. _Was that a moan? _I did it again. _That most certainly was a moan!_

"Is someone enjoying this a little too much?" I asked with a smirk. She pulled away from my shoulder and looked at me.

"Yeah, well I can't help it!" she replied. _She's so cute when she's all defensive!_

I leaned in so that our foreheads were touching. I smiled. She smelled so good.

"I can't really help it either," I said.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Thank you for this, for being there, for waiting until I was ready to come out, thank you for…_everything._"

"I'd go to hell and back for you."

She cocked her head to the side. "That was a little cliché, don't ya think?"

I laughed. "I could care less. It's how I feel, and I'm not afraid to admit that."

She suddenly stopped dancing. Next thing I knew, I was being dragged to my bedroom.

She pushed me up against the door with such forced that it cause my eyes to shoot open. She was _never_ rough. I picked her up, so that her legs wrapped around my thighs.

Afterglow suited her so well and I couldn't help but stare at her. Her gorgeous blonde hair splayed across her face, her lovely breasts moving up in down in harmonic rhythm, and her warm breath hitting my neck. I loved moments like this, when we were just Spencer and Ashley. As much as I loved watching her sleep, I wanted so badly to see those gorgeous blue eyes, the ones that held me closer than I ever thought possible.

I started to kiss her bare shoulder. She squirmed around, but quickly settled back. She was fast asleep. I started to lightly drag my fingertips down her spine. I felt her shiver, and turn to face me.

"Hey," she quietly rasped.

"Hey. How'd you sleep?" I asked.

She smiled. "I always sleep perfectly in your arms."

I moved slightly forward so that our foreheads were touching. "Thank you Spence."

She tilted her head to the side. "For what Ashy?"

"For being so amazing. For being the one that _I_get to love. For being so brave. Just…for everything."

I saw a tear slowly fall down her cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. "Aw, Ashy, I never would've thought you'd be one for these speeches."

I couldn't help but smile. "Only with you Spence."

"Are you looking to score some morning sex?" she asked, giggling.

"I'm not looking for anything. I just wanted to tell you thanks."

She leaned closer, and our lips touched, ever so slightly.

"Yeah, well I am," she breathed.

_Morning sex was amazing. Morning sex with Spencer was_heaven.


	2. You're Out? So

**A/N: Alright, well here's the new chapter 2. I know it's extremely short in comparison to chapter 1, but that's because chapter 1 is more like 3 chapter squished together. lol. I hope to have chapter 3 up within another week or so. Let me know if it's any good. Thanks everyone! Peace. Alex.**

**Chapter 2: You're Out? So…**

**You're Out? So…**

Ashley's POV

This is usually the part where Spence and I say our goodbye's, but today's going to be different. Today, I actually get to kiss her in public, hold her hand in public, be her _girlfriend_in public. I'm pretty sure with the way this day is starting, nothing is going to break the crazy grin I have on my face. She's skimming through my closet, looking for a shirt that _doesn't_say Leon Band, or some skate company's name on it. I _told_ her good luck. The only polo I even own, is now in the laundry. Note to self: _do the FUCKING laundry._I'm kind of out of socks.

"Ugh, Ashy, how come you don't own any real shirts?" Spencer asked, lying on my bed.

I laughed, "It's not _my_fault that you consider Hollister and Abercrombie the _only_good stores this great city has to offer."

"Hey, that's not true!"

"Yeah, okay, well then name _one_thing you own that isn't the slightest bit preppy?"

"Uhm…ooo, I have that one shirt. It uh says…oh, you know the one-"

I smirked, "I knew it! You don't. Come on, just grab something and let's go."

"Ugh, fine. Do I get to wear Vans?"

I laughed, "You could if your feet weren't so damn small."

She punched my arm, and damn her, it kind of hurt.

"Don't make fun of me."

"Just follow me, I bet my sister has something."

We sat in my car, just outside her house, and by the amount, or should I said _lack_of blood in my hand, I could tell she was nervous.

"We don't have to do this, you know? Just the thought that you wanted to, that's good enough for me," I said, smiling. It was true. I knew that this had to be hard for her. Heaven knows, if I had a mother like hers, I'd stay so far in the closet, the moth balls would become my bff's.

She cupped my cheeks, and I instinctively shut my eyes, "You're too noble sometimes."

"I'm serious," I opened my eyes and I suddenly felt her lips against mine. When she finally pulled away, she got out before I had the chance to speak again.

"Well, are you coming or not?" she asked.

I laughed and thought, _that's what she said._It was official, my mind, was permanently in the gutter.

"Yeah, hold on."

We stood outside the door, both of us equally nervous. I couldn't help what think what the repercussions would be if her parents _weren't_okay with us. What would they do? I had always heard of those "gay de-tox camps," but would they do something like that? I was scared. I wasn't ready to lose her. I could only imagine what was racing through her mind.

Spencer's POV

_Okay, deep breaths. Liz said it, as long as I'm here with Ashley holding my hand, everything will be okay._

"Let's do this," I said with a smile.

I saw that she was scared, and I needed her to be strong.

"Don't be nervous. Everything will be okay."

**2 hours later:**

"Just fucking drive, Ashley!"

"Okay, okay, I'm trying," she replied. We were both scared shitless, and the fact that her car keys wouldn't cooperate was only making things worse.

I turned to see my mom storm out our house, with tears rolling down her face, and a gun in her hands.

"Oh my God! Ashley….GOOO!"

"I just…want to talk Spencer. She's…she's turning you into something you're…not. Just let me-"

We were gone before I could hear the rest. When we reached Ashley's house, I finally broke down, and cried on her shoulders.

"_Thanks_ Liz," I muttered under my breath, not caring whether Ashley had heard me or not.

Ashley's POV

Laying in my bed, next to the one I love, is almost always something I enjoy, but under the circumstances, I'm wondering just where it is I went wrong. It's funny how easily she sleeps after she cries. I, on the other hand, am probably going to stay up all night. I'm incapable of sleeping upset.

We first told Arthur, her farther. It didn't really shock us when he came up and hugged me, and said, "Welcome to the family." I can't really say the same for Paula. _Ugh!_Just the thought of her made me shake with anger. Her words kept repeating through my head. _Spencer, you disgust me. You disgust God. Look at what this_thing _has done to you._It had taken everything in me _not_to kill her on the spot. If she weren't Spencer's mom, I most certainly would've beaten the _shit_out of her. Although, the moment she excused herself to get a gun, is when I knew to get the _fuck_out of that crazy bitch's hair.

I didn't know what to do now. I loved Spencer—_love _her_—_with my whole heart and soul, but I wasn't sure if this was all fair to her. I sat staring at her for hours, just watching her sleep. It was just before the sun came up, that I realized just _what_I had to do.


	3. Author's Note

**A/N: So my laptop that had the updated chapters crashed last Thursday and I have to get my stuff transferred to my new one. It might take a week or so. It costs $100 and I already paid $700 for the new laptop. I hope to get it on here soon. I really am sorry!**

**Peace. Alex. **


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